At 23, dating feels like it’s both the easiest and most complicated thing in the world. It’s that weird in-between where some of your friends are getting engaged, others are swiping left and right on apps, and a few are so focused on careers that they aren’t thinking about dating at all. For me, it’s a mix of excitement, confusion, and figuring out what really matters in a relationship.
You’re Still Figuring Yourself Out
One of the biggest things I’ve realized about dating in your early 20s is that I’m still learning who I am. Sure, I know what I enjoy, what I stand for, and I’m starting to understand what I want in life. But my sense of self is still evolving. I might love the idea of traveling now, but will I feel the same way in a few years? I’m starting to understand that as I grow, my preferences in relationships and dating might change too.
Because of that, dating feels more like an experiment in self-discovery. Every relationship, whether it lasts a week or a year, teaches you something about yourself. Maybe you realize you value open communication more than you thought, or that you’re not ready to compromise on certain things, like your career ambitions or hobbies.
The Dating App Dilemma
At 23, dating apps are a huge part of how we meet people. Tinder, Bumble, Hinge—you name it, I’ve probably tried it. And while they make it easy to connect with new people, they also come with their own set of challenges.
Dating apps can make dating feel disposable. It’s almost too easy to swipe past someone for the smallest reason, or to keep looking for someone “better” because there are so many options. That creates this weird pressure, where you’re constantly wondering if you’re settling or if you should keep looking. The grass can always seem greener, even if you’re with someone great.
On the flip side, apps give you access to a bigger dating pool than ever before. You can meet people from different walks of life, people who you’d never cross paths with otherwise. And while I’ve had my fair share of awkward first dates, I’ve also met some genuinely cool people that I would have never met if not for an app.
Balancing Independence and Relationships
Your early 20s are often about gaining independence—moving out, building your career, and figuring out how to be an adult. So when it comes to dating, there’s this push and pull between wanting to build a relationship and wanting to keep your independence.
At 23, I’m trying to build my career, focus on my passions, and make time for friends and family. Dating can feel like another responsibility on top of everything else, which can sometimes make it hard to prioritize. But I’ve realized that the right relationship doesn’t feel like a burden. Instead, it adds value to your life and helps you grow.
It’s also important to make sure that you’re not losing yourself in a relationship. When you’re in your 20s, it’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of a new relationship and start compromising on things that matter to you. I’ve learned that it’s crucial to keep your sense of self intact. It’s okay to want your own space, pursue your own goals, and take time for yourself.
The Pressure to “Settle Down”
I’ve noticed that as soon as you hit your 20s, there’s this weird societal pressure to start thinking about “settling down.” Some people seem to have it all figured out—they’ve found their person, they’re thinking about marriage, and they’ve got their life plan in place. But for most of us, it’s not that simple.
At 23, the idea of settling down feels far off. I’m still figuring out what I want out of life, and it seems unrealistic to expect that I’ll know who I want to spend forever with right now. That doesn’t mean I’m not open to a serious relationship, but I’m learning that it’s okay if it takes time to find the right person.
There’s also this pressure to “have it all” by a certain age—to be in a committed relationship, to have a stable job, and to feel like you’ve got life figured out. But I’ve realized that there’s no timeline for love, and everyone moves at their own pace. It’s important to trust that what’s meant for you will come in time.
Casual vs. Serious Dating
At 23, there’s this strange divide between people who are dating casually and those looking for something more serious. Some of my friends are in long-term relationships, talking about marriage, while others are happy casually dating or hooking up. And both are totally valid choices.
Personally, I’ve found myself somewhere in the middle. I like getting to know people, and I’m open to a serious relationship if it feels right, but I’m also not in a rush to lock something down. I think a lot of people my age feel this way. We want to explore, experience different types of relationships, and see what’s out there before we settle on something long-term.
The key, I’ve learned, is communication. It’s important to be upfront about what you’re looking for, whether it’s something casual or serious. I’ve been in situations where one person wanted a relationship and the other didn’t, and it led to a lot of confusion and hurt feelings. Being honest from the start can save you a lot of heartache down the road.
Dating Is as Much About You as It Is About Them
I’ve come to realize that dating isn’t just about finding someone who checks all your boxes. It’s about learning how to communicate, compromise, and grow with another person. It’s about understanding what you need from a relationship and being able to articulate that.
For me, dating in my early 20s has been a process of figuring out what I want and need from a partner. I’ve learned that it’s okay to have standards, and it’s okay to walk away if someone isn’t meeting them. But I’ve also learned that relationships require effort, and it’s important to be willing to put in that effort when it feels right.
I’ve also realized that you can’t expect someone else to make you happy. You have to be happy with yourself first. A relationship can enhance your life, but it’s not going to fix all your problems or fill a void. That’s something I think a lot of people in their 20s are learning.
It’s Okay to Be Single
There’s this misconception that being single in your 20s is a bad thing, but I’ve come to see it as a time for growth. Being single gives you the freedom to focus on yourself, pursue your goals, and build your life the way you want it. It’s a time to figure out what makes you happy without the influence of another person.
At 23, I’ve learned that being single doesn’t mean you’re behind or that there’s something wrong with you. It just means that you’re taking the time to find the right person, and that’s okay. Some of the happiest people I know are single, and they’re thriving.
Dating in your 20s is a rollercoaster. It’s exciting, confusing, and at times, frustrating. But it’s also a time for self-discovery, growth, and learning about what you want from life and love. Whether you’re casually dating, looking for something serious, or enjoying being single, the most important thing is to stay true to yourself.
At 23, I’m learning that there’s no rush to figure everything out. Love will come when it’s meant to, and until then, I’m enjoying the ride.