Getting over someone you never dated can feel uniquely painful. You may not have a formal relationship to grieve, but the connection you felt was real, and the emotions tied to that “almost” are just as valid. Whether it was a close friend you had feelings for, someone who led you on, or a crush that never evolved, the hurt of what could’ve been can linger. But, like any heartbreak, you can heal and move on. Here’s how:
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
Just because you weren’t officially together doesn’t mean your feelings weren’t real. One of the hardest parts about getting over someone you never dated is the sense that your emotions are invalid. You may feel embarrassed or think, “I don’t even have the right to be this upset.” But those thoughts won’t help you heal. Accept your emotions as they are. You had hopes, dreams, and attachments to this person, and it’s okay to mourn what you imagined could have been.
2. Don’t Minimize Your Experience
Sometimes people will say, “You weren’t even together, why are you upset?” This mindset can make you feel like you’re overreacting. But even if the relationship never fully blossomed, it still meant something to you. It’s okay to feel heartbroken over a missed connection. Validate your own experience and give yourself permission to feel everything fully. It’s the first step toward healing.
3. Give Yourself Closure
One of the hardest parts of an “almost relationship” is the lack of closure. Since nothing formal ended, it can feel like there are loose ends. Maybe you never had a conversation about your feelings, or maybe they left things open-ended with mixed signals. You don’t need their permission to create your own closure. Write a letter you never send, have the talk with yourself that you wish you could have had with them, or mentally close the door on what could have been.
- Limit Contact and Social Media Exposure
If you’re constantly checking their social media, re-reading old messages, or seeing them regularly, it’s going to be much harder to move on. Consider muting or unfollowing them for a while to create space between you. Give yourself some distance so you’re not triggered by seeing them move on or live their life without you. It’s not about being bitter; it’s about protecting your peace.
5. Recognize the Role of Fantasy
A lot of the pain from these situations comes from the fantasy of what could have been. It’s easy to romanticize the “almost” and imagine how great it *would* have been if they just committed, or if the timing had been different. But recognize that you’re grieving an idea, not necessarily reality. The person you imagined them to be, and the relationship you built up in your head, may not reflect the truth. Acknowledging this can help ground your feelings and start the healing process.
6. Focus on Yourself
When you’re caught up in the emotional rollercoaster of an almost-relationship, it’s easy to lose focus on your own needs. Take this time to reconnect with yourself. Dive into hobbies, focus on your goals, and surround yourself with people who uplift you. Shift the energy you were giving to them back toward yourself. Self-care isn’t just bubble baths and spa days—it’s nurturing your emotional well-being and reclaiming your sense of self-worth.
7. Lean on Your Support System
Talking about your feelings with friends or family can help you process your emotions. They may offer perspectives you hadn’t considered, or they might just listen, which can be just as healing. You don’t have to go through this alone. Sharing your experience with someone you trust can lighten the emotional load.
8. Give It Time
Healing takes time, especially when it feels like you’re getting over something that never fully formed. It’s easy to get frustrated with yourself, thinking you should be “over it” already. But heartbreak, even of the “almost” variety, is still heartbreak. Be patient with yourself. Trust that with time, the intensity of your emotions will lessen, and you’ll feel lighter again.
9. Shift Your Perspective
Instead of dwelling on the fact that the relationship never happened, try to view it as a learning experience. What did you discover about yourself through this process? What patterns do you want to avoid in the future? Often, “almost relationships” teach us what we *don’t* want, which can help us identify what we *do* want in a future partner.
10. Open Yourself Up to New Possibilities
It may feel like this connection was your only shot at love or that nobody will make you feel the way they did, but that’s simply not true. By clinging to an “almost,” you may be closing yourself off to someone who is ready to give you the commitment and love you deserve. Once you’ve taken time to heal, allow yourself to be open to new possibilities. There is someone out there who will be exactly what you need.
Getting over someone you never dated is complicated because you’re mourning what could’ve been rather than what actually was. It’s okay to feel confused, frustrated, or heartbroken. The key is to let yourself feel those emotions without shame, and then begin to let go. With time, distance, and self-care, you’ll move on and be ready for the real thing—something that’s not just an almost, but something real and lasting. Check out my personal “almost maybe” situation.